whooo, it's 2009. since it's a new year, it seems appropriate to reflect on the old one. i've grown so much, learned a lot, and i feel so much wiser now. i started off the new year (2008) with my heart absolutely shattered. i thought i was in love and realized around that time that it only worked one way. i didn't know that i was still part of "the game" that should have ended the first time he said "i love you." so foolish of me, because i knew that there was someone else. i justified it because for a while i had someone else on the side that he knew about too. we grew apart when school started and then when his grandfather passed away, we were getting closer again, and he became the only guy that was worth my time. or so i thought. one night i try to plan a surprise visit which ended with me alone on the PATH train late at night, crying. i recently stumbled across his box - the one that had little things that reminded me of all the things we did together, pictures, a shirt he left at my house, his army dogtag, and worst of all, the letters he wrote to me. my heart sank while reading them. when i first read these more than a year ago, i thought they were the most sincere words that could be put on paper... i miss you so much, babe... i can't wait to get home to see you... coldstone, kidstreet, new york, everything, i want to do it all over again... remember to be careful with other guys out there, they only care about themselves... if i could come and cuddle with you right now, i'd fall asleep in your arms so fast... if you didn't like lehigh, you should transfer to rutgers... i feel like this could be the start of something new... you are my rock and my inspiration... you keep me anchored so that i can keep striving for my goals... i'll come and see you asap... you really helped me make it through the summer... i love you so much, sweetie. all those promises down the drain before the semester even ended. we were in a pre-relationship for about 6 months, during which i let my guard down and started to give my all. i shouldn't have expected him to do the same. so wrong of me to think he'd come around eventually. but he never did, and now he's engaged. in hindsight, i think i was settling. shit, i KNOW i was settling. people wonder how i'm not in a relationship right now, but i'm simply just taking my time. i know my worth, and i refuse to settle ever again.
other than that, the rest of 2008 was pretty amazing. trips to nyc, partying, dance classes, roadtripping across florida, chilling in cancun, getting my belly button pierced, trips to the beach, starting a new semester, annnnd basically having the time of my life. my only regrets are losing my cell phone (january) and my digital camera (june). fuck.
i would say that 2009's been good to me thus far, but i've been spending money going out to eat every other day, my dad had to go to the hospital to get his ruptured appendix removed, and my sinus infection came back again. but besides that, i've already had job interviews, spent a lot of time with my hs friends who still mean the world to me, and ohhhmygod i drove around bridgewater. i actually got into my car, drove across bridgewater to pick someone up, went to the mall, picked up my sister from school, and didn't die (although i did stall a few times; first gear and garretson road are not my friends). the next step: driving outside of bridgewater. but that won't happen until i get insurance haha.
i'm never usually good with keeping my resolutions but it's motivating to make them anyway. i only have three, because i'm being honest with myself and i know the extent i'll go to for self-improvement.
- do not settle.
- get good grades.
- either start playing the viola again or learn how to play the guitar
going back to school on sunday. i'm gonna do work this semester `=)
=)
ReplyDelete