wtf, man.

there was a guy that pretty much tried to rape me a few months ago.
today, i saw him for the first time since then.
he greeted me with a "hey, slut!"
WHO DOES THAT.

yeah so...

...never dabbling in the friend zone ever again.








the dream (mariah carey demo) - i can't wait to hate you.

lights, camera, action

the other day i get an instant message from george telling me about how they're making a step-up 3 and were asking for asian extras. i sent an e-mail with my name and picture and got a phone call on tuesday night saying to come in the next day. good stuff =)

got up nice and early on wednesday with george and mike to go to where they were filming a scene in nyc (the scene is a dance battle that takes place in some place in underground chinatown; actual taping took place further downtown near battery park). spent a few hours just waiting around waiting to be told what to do before finally going to the set with almost 400 other extras. was on set for more than 5 hours (for a two minute dance battle scene), ate dinner, then chilled for 3 more hours before finally being dismissed.

the best part was probably just being in the holding room for several hours and meeting a lot of chill people. listening to freestyle battles, watching some guys do the single ladies dance on point, reminiscing about old school tv shows, meeting lots of aspiring actors and actresses, etc.

i also met the guy of my dreams. half-filipino, half-italian, he was BEAUTIFUL. i got his first name and where he was from but that was all i got before he got called to the set. and i didn't get a chance to talk to him afterwards. shit sucks. couldn't even properly stalk him on facebook 'cause he had a really unique first name which i have no idea how to spell.

hopefully i get a few seconds on the big screen.
hopefully he does too, so i can buy the dvd and watch him over and over again.
i wanna say i'm joking but i don't think i am 'cause i'm just a creep like that.

horoscopes.

i'm a pisces.
i didn't start paying attention to my horoscope until my pisces freshman roommate read our horoscope out for us every other day and a lot of it would be accurate. i placed it as a fixture on my igoogle homepage for kicks.

this was my july 4th horoscope:

Saturday, Jul 4th, 2009 -- In the midst of having yourself a jolly old time today, something could stop you right in your tracks. You must respond intelligently to this sobering information or things could quickly turn from bad to worse. However, facing a problem head-on could diffuse any trouble before it even occurs. Don't wait; the clock is ticking.






really...?

finally feels like summer!

after a few weeks of on-again, off-again rain, it felt like summer for the first time this past weekend. too bad my summer's half over =( but every time i go to the beach i realize how much i loooove my life.

ew i just sneezed all over my shoulder.

i've managed to keep busy this summer, working 30-40 hours at macy's every week and still love/hating that. almost done with my finance class, the final's on thursday and then i don't have to open up another textbook 'til august, yay. SO glad i didn't take that class during a regular semester. almost got fucked for the midterm because i didn't send it through fedex like he asked, and used usps which i guess didn't work too well. i seriously thought fedex was a verb, like how we associate kleenex with all kinds of tissues and... yeah i'm retarded.

a lot of good movies came out this summer... went on a date with erika and saw "up" which was one of the cutest disney movies to ever come out. it made me cry twice. "the hangover" was freakin' hilarious, and when it comes out on dvd i'm gonna watch it over and over til i pee from laughing so hard. yesterday i went to the city to watch transformers 2 in imax with a whole bunch of people. i didn't even finish watching transformers 1 until 30 minutes before i had to get on the train to go to ny haha. and harry potter comes out in a few weeks, ohhhmygoodness.

this past weekend, a bunch of us went to atlantic city to celebrate raquel's 21st birthday. personally, it would have been more fun if i were 21 but it was still a good time overall. enjoyed a beauuuutiful day just chilling on the beach with some of the girls. sun was shining, water was jellyfish free, and michael jackson songs were playing everywhere. loved ittt. luckily my sister let me borrow her camera and i was able to document the night:

shots for the birthday girl =)

my sexy ladies

i love them!

the ben to my jerry, she's the other half that makes me whole

michelle's my siamese twin.

kelvin's a good guy for putting up with how much we make fun of him lol

@ seaside!

i just want to say that i was very distraught while watching the news when i found out michael jackson was in a coma, and then i teared a little when they announced that he passed away. he was an inspiration to me as a little kid and is part of the reason i love music and dancing as much as i do.

it kinda sucks that i've been working so much lately. i just wanna dance =( don't have the time or money right now, and it shows. i'm becoming less flexible by the day and i know i'm out of shape because i went running for the first time the other day and was winded by the first 1/4 mile. my muscles are turning to mush and i feel unattractive and healthy these days. i was sore the next day which was good, therefore... life is still good cause that means i made some progress lol.

time to start learning stuff that's gonna be on this finance final. oyy.

m.o.b.

let me just say that dudes are not the only ones who think in the money-over-bitches mindset. i thought dating someone who was m.o.b. was bad (sometimes), but these crazy old ladies that work at macy's are assholes. i got a job at macy's and started on saturday. i work on commission, and these women in the i.n.c. department made me wanna quit a few hours into it. i was warned by just about every one of my co-workers that we weren't here to make friends, we were here to make money, and to watch out. didn't think they were warning me about themselves, cause i swear they are vultures, out to steal customers and sales and they're just grimey. i worked on commission at foot locker, but it was nothing like this (although one time my assistant manager and another co-worker were fighting in the back room for a box of timbs and my co-worker got sent to the emergency room...) on top of all the conniving bullshit, they're cranky as hell and need to get laid asap. luckily, i got moved to other departments with friendlier associates on the 2nd half of day one and all of day two. hopefully i never have to go back to i.n.c. because i'm gonna kill someone one day. still, nothing beats working with traina slack at foot locker, so i'm gonna man up for the next few months.

managed to get a 3.36 last semester, starting my summer off on a good note. getting to see everyone back at home. trips to the city. spending time with my whatever you wanna call him. going out to eat practically every day. going on random adventures because i can. getting over my fear of driving. going to the beach. finally getting a new phone that i can call my own. loving life. it's gonna be a good summer.

i love college but...

i miss high school.

i'm mad bored since no one else has really come home from school yet =T on friday i helped katrina get ready for prom and watched my baby girl get taken away on a white stretch limo (land rover, not quite the escalade of our epic prom 07). then i cleaned my room and came across my yearbook and read some of the stuff people wrote in it, which made me miss senior year and especially the people i've lost touch with in just two years. these might only be funny to me, but oh well, some excerpts:

athena - the assmuffin!
...i hope you don't get peed on next year in college
(lauren mcbride)

you have to keep your "big secrets" to yourself at lehigh and try not to contribute to your school's rep even if you get peer pressured.
(hall sun)

...don't let guys screw you over because i know you deserve better.
(ling)

dancing with british lads, and watching chelle-lou try to drive... some great times.
(chris verdone)

p.s. - take me to BLC!
(mike naumov)

i am the man and got you a prom date haha... be safe, i know you're crazy outside the classroom.
p.s. - you still owe me cookies!
(tom guzman)

it was great seeing the top of your head every day in physics class this year.
(mr. koenig)

haha i pissed on you!
(jason goodwin)

from physics class to england, it's all so memorable except i can't seem to remember much, but that just proves how much fun it was, right?
(laura bernescu)

dear athena, my sister, my friend, my goddess, my mentor, my mother?
(justin chen)

i've never seen a person... or a girl so blacked out in my life.
(rob chin) - the self-proclaimed independent party of team asia

you're eating donuts right now and you have powder around your mouth. you sorta look like an idiot.
(george zhang)

i will always remember you as my favorite little asian girl.
(kailash gupta)

i'll never forget you falling off my kitchen stools and falling asleep in physics.
(marcia lee)

...me and you have the power of making boys make out haha.
(gabby kotelnicki)

i'll always be here for you with my feet out, ready to be jerked off.
(michelle datuin)

drink a lot, be bad, and make me proud.
(richa pandey)

;) that's a winky smile haha
(josh lee)

love, dave pilla (your white friend)

the english exchange was amazing, even when you were... with my partner.
(steve mcfadden)

...our married life, shopping at wegmans.
(kevin chang)

...APUSH, england, BIG secret, La's room, senior assassins, mack-of-the-year, fried oreos, "emily," crazy faces... keep going after them Europeans and those criminals.
p.s. - kick a pigeon for me
p.p.s. - draw a weiner in the sand for me
he-who-nothing gets past, jason shun

from hungarians to peter pan and a globe in the face, to the smoothest prom pick-up ever...
(austin suen)

you've been such a great source of awkward observation in theory with La, I think i only ever turned around at the worst point in the conversation.
(michael harwick)

"my ass is gonna get smaller!"... remember when that branch fell on your head, shit was funny as hell and when you told el camello your grandma had a red thong on instead of you i letereally pissed in my pants.
(karla mariscal)

i can almost taste it.

my summer begins on tuesday, may 5th, 2009 at 11:00AM.
all that stands between me and the jersey border are two finals.

i used to hate those people that lied about how much they studied. now i'm one of them. it's embarassing when you don't see get to see the sunlight because your head's buried in textbooks, and you still don't get the grade that you need. i'm lucky 'cause i got a week and 2 days between the last day of classes and my first final, but i'm definitely not taking advantage of all this sweet time. i'd rather get a head start on my summer, meaning i went to the beach yesterday and i'll be making rounds in philly and rutgers from thursday to saturday. i'll probably regret this, but then again, i won't.

back to studying.

d-d-d-d-damn.

lehigh dance team @ theta chi sweetheart.

fuckmylife.

after a drunken night out, "white chocolate" was giving me a piggyback ride down drinker B2. he was running as fast as he could but he had bad equilibrium so he tripped and we went flying across the carpet, scraping off a few layers of skin from my left knee and elbow. it was bad enough that it stung like a bitch and bandaids refused to stay on the next day, but when i got home... damn. my dad's so hilarious, it hurts.

me: umm so... i fell going up the stairs at school ::shows dad my knee::
dad: WHAT?! ay nako... ::goes upstairs::

two minutes later, my dad comes into the kitchen where i'm eating, with peroxide, a bag of cotton balls, bandaids, gauze, medical tape, neosporin, and q-tips.

me: awww.. thanks dad!
dad: your legs were your only asset, you can't afford to lose them.
me: are you trying to say i'm ugly...
dad: anak, i just don't want you die single.
me: you're an asshole.
dad: that's what you get for texting and walking up the stairs at the same time.

you could bet that, never gotta sweat that

song that i'm in love with at the moment: miguel - sure thing.
but i hate when you hear songs and they remind you of... people when you just really want to get them out of your head.

it's crazy that i only have about a month of classes left, spring break seems like only yesterday. had a grrrreat time in canada with raquel, alishah, steph, and michelle. it was a long drive sitting bitch the entire way, passing through the town of NEDROW before crossing the border and getting into ottawa. met a bunch of cool people, got to buy alcohol like a big girl, ate some interesting foods, learned some canadian slang, and just had fun roaming ottawa in search of bars and nightclubs like drunken sluts. and my parents will never be wiser.

after crossing the border... "look out for canadian boys with long fingers!"

downtown ottawa

yummy mixed drinks with sake and a bunch of other good stuff.

amaaaazing sushi!

at the tila tequila nightclub

at the vineyards restaurant waiting for our juicy succulent steaks... with RIAZ!

the adorable beavertails boy who wanted our numbers

beavertails = "O-FACE"

semi-candid shot at jamil's birthday "pre-drinks"

"getting licked" on our last night at tao

i've been back in school for two weeks now... nothing interesting there. it's exam time again fuckmylife. add that on top of the stresses of presentations, a shitload of group projects, choreographing for tinikling and greek week, trying to find a summer job, etc. dance team practices have been intense lately since we have competition TONIGHT in the meadowlands at 11:30 in the fucking PM.

it's always good to see friends from back home though. last weekend i went home for my dad's birthday and got to see a lot of important people =) then austin, jason, dots, and marclyle came up to go to sonic. good times, good food; add that to the list of epic nights with bridgewater (and monroe?) heads. came back to my dorm which was TRASHED with shaving cream all over the hallways, and apparently we had a visit from a few firetrucks when i was gone.

i've discovered the joy of oovoo =) finally putting that webcam to good use.

i'm looking forward to spending the rest of the weekend with my lovely dance team ladies, not looking forward to all the work i'm gonna have to do when i get back. but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

just like me

it feels good to sit around and do absolutely nothing after a whole month of not being able to take a breather. i have a few hours left of relaxation before i go do spring break stuff and find myself back at lehigh on sunday. can't believe how quickly february came and went, but i'm looking forward to springtime in a few weeks =)

after being sick for most of january, came out of hibernation first weekend of february. went to crocodile rock in allentown for an LSU party where safiya said i had the nicest hair haha. made attempts to learn how to dance merengue and bachata and all that other good stuff and NOT so much reggaeton, thank god. played some drunk ping-pong and had a slice of the best pizza i've tasted in all my time in pennsylvania.

(dancing merengue with randy)

exams were okay... i guess. i promise to be more dedicated to my studying and not leave to go to random places out of state when i should be studying for midterms. speaking of random places... SONIC!? delicious. the later, the tastier.

dance team has been taking up most of my time but that's nothing new. on top of practices, we had basketball games every few days but that's pretty much done. we're switching gears and getting ready for all the fun stuff: competition, theta chi sweetheart, spectacular spectacular, and dozens of other random gigs inbetween. at the last home game, we finally whipped out new routines. a few of last year's seniors came to visit which is always nice.

(L-R: sarah, katie, amy, ulloa, deaver, liz rosen, emily, me.)

in the quest for something to do this summer, on valentine's day weekend i found myself in new york city for the first time this semester. interviewed for inroads in hopes of having them find me an internship, then roamed around the city with josh on an adventure for cupcakes and a birthday present for mike. spent the weekend at rutgers, celebrated mike's birthday, met up with my original valentine, krystle diaz whom i never see, had a nice sausagefest at ihop. i wish i had a camera and that i had pictures from that weekend =T thinking about that weekend makes me want cupcakes.

i turned 20 last week, and celebrated with leslie, stephanie, and the rest of the brothel, and a bunch of our close friends (and people i've never seen in my life). we all blacked out. my memories of the night consist of the hilarious stories i've heard from everyone who was there. thank you for helping me remember one of our finest nights at lehigh.

(the brothel, birthday girls in the middle)

(our ghetto birthday cake)

friday marked the beginning of my spring break. after cleaning the party house, jesse and i took a stroll down 287 in the green machine to get to rutgers. ate the quart of red velvet ice cream that steph bought me, which killed my voice for the rest of the weekend but it was well worth it. highlights of ecaasu include watching fr3sh perform, meeting new people, seeing people i haven't seen in a very long time, and seeing a certain someone i wish i could see more often.

was at home in bridgewater for a few hours before packing up my things again and heading to boonton to celebrate steph's real birthday. i don't think i've ever eaten so much food in a span of 48 hours. went sledding, ate, watched a few movies, ate some more, played a nice round of cranium, ate some more, went to applebee's, and came home yesterday. in a little bit, i'm gonna have to pack up all my things again 'cause i'm going to canada =) road tripping with raquel, alishah, steph, and michelle. weather's gonna suck but that's okay.

that ends the recap of the past month and the sneak preview of the weekend to come. mmmhmm.

i'm scared...

...of a lot of things lately `=T

i have a hangover.

even if it means i'm gonna feel like shit for a few hours in the morning, yay for weekends. lehigh dance party last friday, then ventured off campus the next night. woke up last sunday morning and all i could do was laugh at myself for being such a fuck. blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. good times with the girls, encounters with thug love, the freshman boy whom i forced to pretend to be my boyfriend, and still ending up in my own bed at the end of it all. moral of the story, bad decisions are the spice of life. and i only have two and a half more years to fuck up before i enter the real world and can't do stupid shit anymore. the silly things i do make sober life at lehigh awkward as hell though. and recently i've caught myself smiling like a doof because i'm laughing at myself in my head. everyone around me must think i'm a crazy person.

this weekend... danced at a wrestling match and a basketball game... watched "he's just not that into you." that movie's gotta be up there with "how to lose a guy in 10 days" and "13 going on 30." so funny, and while a lot of it was exaggerated... so true. can't wait 'til it comes out on dvd. last night, went to a party in allentown. i wanna add latin ballroom to my list of things i'm gonna learn how to do before i die.

steph, safiya, leslie, kelly, and i signed the lease for our off-campus house next year. 627 east morton aka "the brothel" aka it's gonna be a shitshow. so excited. especially for the interesting artwork that safiya and i have been collecting over the past few days `=)

i also declared my major this week. accounting, and i'm trying to minor in entrepreneurship. according to my advisor (loooove dr. john jack wilbur paul), i have to have 150 credit hours if i want my CPA, which means i have to be in school for about 5 years. so maybe i have 3 and a half more years to make terrible decisions...

this week, i've come to realize how much i've changed since high school. back then i feel like i was more easygoing, outgoing, and took a lot more risks... i remember people telling me i was cocky, manipulative, and sometimes really mean (or just brutally honest), but at least i wasn't afraid to put myself out there. i wasn't really afraid of failure either, i'd just do whatever, get really excited about what i just got myself into, and hope for the best. it usually worked out, i generally got what i wanted in high school and i didn't disappoint myself. these days i'm more socially awkward, keep more of my thoughts to myself, always anxious for no reason at all, and i'm scared of fucking up. i guess the stakes are a lot higher now that my education's worth 50k a year, so i just don't want to put myself in any position to fail, in any way. this probably translates into making bad decisions because with those, the outcome is always gonna be bad. and i like when things are predictable.

as long as i don't end up in a wheelchair with no legs, no fingers, and bad credit, i think i'll be okay in the end.

under my nose

i'm sitting here, sipping on a cup of tea, waiting for noon to come when i have to go be productive. don't even have much time to relax on the weekends but i was never good with being idle. my first week of classes is over and i have a good feeling about this semester. my classes are good, my professors are good (especially my hot management TA), and i'm content with being busy all the time. junior standing this semester, whooo, and i'm overloading credits this semester on top of dance team, being a good ACS secretary, working at the costume shop, trying to find a summer internship, working on tinikling for the shows in the spring, and everything else that comes up in my hectic schedule. even though i won't have a life these days, i've been more motivated than ever to excel and blahblahblah more talk about self-improvement and getting good grades. but really, not to be all "wahhhh i can't live without having a boyfriend because i can't stand to be alone," there's a certain emptiness in my life that i fill with schoolwork and trying to be independent. and i think i'm pretty pleased with myself.

i just wish it weren't so damn cold outside, then i'd feel like getting my ass over to the library every night.

just wanted to point out that i love A301♥/wrists.

haven't done this in years...

i remember the glory days of xanga back in middle school. every time i look back at some old entries i laugh, either because of something funny that actually happened to me or because i wrote a lot of bullshit that i'm almost ashamed of. still, i miss having a place to put down my thoughts. i realized that i have a lot of memories that i don't want to forget. especially given the fact that in a few years i'm going to have to take myself seriously which might result in my life being less sitcom-like.

whooo, it's 2009. since it's a new year, it seems appropriate to reflect on the old one. i've grown so much, learned a lot, and i feel so much wiser now. i started off the new year (2008) with my heart absolutely shattered. i thought i was in love and realized around that time that it only worked one way. i didn't know that i was still part of "the game" that should have ended the first time he said "i love you." so foolish of me, because i knew that there was someone else. i justified it because for a while i had someone else on the side that he knew about too. we grew apart when school started and then when his grandfather passed away, we were getting closer again, and he became the only guy that was worth my time. or so i thought. one night i try to plan a surprise visit which ended with me alone on the PATH train late at night, crying. i recently stumbled across his box - the one that had little things that reminded me of all the things we did together, pictures, a shirt he left at my house, his army dogtag, and worst of all, the letters he wrote to me. my heart sank while reading them. when i first read these more than a year ago, i thought they were the most sincere words that could be put on paper... i miss you so much, babe... i can't wait to get home to see you... coldstone, kidstreet, new york, everything, i want to do it all over again... remember to be careful with other guys out there, they only care about themselves... if i could come and cuddle with you right now, i'd fall asleep in your arms so fast... if you didn't like lehigh, you should transfer to rutgers... i feel like this could be the start of something new... you are my rock and my inspiration... you keep me anchored so that i can keep striving for my goals... i'll come and see you asap... you really helped me make it through the summer... i love you so much, sweetie. all those promises down the drain before the semester even ended. we were in a pre-relationship for about 6 months, during which i let my guard down and started to give my all. i shouldn't have expected him to do the same. so wrong of me to think he'd come around eventually. but he never did, and now he's engaged. in hindsight, i think i was settling. shit, i KNOW i was settling. people wonder how i'm not in a relationship right now, but i'm simply just taking my time. i know my worth, and i refuse to settle ever again.

other than that, the rest of 2008 was pretty amazing. trips to nyc, partying, dance classes, roadtripping across florida, chilling in cancun, getting my belly button pierced, trips to the beach, starting a new semester, annnnd basically having the time of my life. my only regrets are losing my cell phone (january) and my digital camera (june). fuck.

i would say that 2009's been good to me thus far, but i've been spending money going out to eat every other day, my dad had to go to the hospital to get his ruptured appendix removed, and my sinus infection came back again. but besides that, i've already had job interviews, spent a lot of time with my hs friends who still mean the world to me, and ohhhmygod i drove around bridgewater. i actually got into my car, drove across bridgewater to pick someone up, went to the mall, picked up my sister from school, and didn't die (although i did stall a few times; first gear and garretson road are not my friends). the next step: driving outside of bridgewater. but that won't happen until i get insurance haha.

i'm never usually good with keeping my resolutions but it's motivating to make them anyway. i only have three, because i'm being honest with myself and i know the extent i'll go to for self-improvement.

• do not settle.
• get good grades.
• either start playing the viola again or learn how to play the guitar

going back to school on sunday. i'm gonna do work this semester `=)