i'm sitting here, sipping on a cup of tea, waiting for noon to come when i have to go be productive. don't even have much time to relax on the weekends but i was never good with being idle. my first week of classes is over and i have a good feeling about this semester. my classes are good, my professors are good (especially my hot management TA), and i'm content with being busy all the time. junior standing this semester, whooo, and i'm overloading credits this semester on top of dance team, being a good ACS secretary, working at the costume shop, trying to find a summer internship, working on tinikling for the shows in the spring, and everything else that comes up in my hectic schedule. even though i won't have a life these days, i've been more motivated than ever to excel and blahblahblah more talk about self-improvement and getting good grades. but really, not to be all "wahhhh i can't live without having a boyfriend because i can't stand to be alone," there's a certain emptiness in my life that i fill with schoolwork and trying to be independent. and i think i'm pretty pleased with myself.
i just wish it weren't so damn cold outside, then i'd feel like getting my ass over to the library every night.
just wanted to point out that i love A301♥/wrists.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
haven't done this in years...
i remember the glory days of xanga back in middle school. every time i look back at some old entries i laugh, either because of something funny that actually happened to me or because i wrote a lot of bullshit that i'm almost ashamed of. still, i miss having a place to put down my thoughts. i realized that i have a lot of memories that i don't want to forget. especially given the fact that in a few years i'm going to have to take myself seriously which might result in my life being less sitcom-like.
whooo, it's 2009. since it's a new year, it seems appropriate to reflect on the old one. i've grown so much, learned a lot, and i feel so much wiser now. i started off the new year (2008) with my heart absolutely shattered. i thought i was in love and realized around that time that it only worked one way. i didn't know that i was still part of "the game" that should have ended the first time he said "i love you." so foolish of me, because i knew that there was someone else. i justified it because for a while i had someone else on the side that he knew about too. we grew apart when school started and then when his grandfather passed away, we were getting closer again, and he became the only guy that was worth my time. or so i thought. one night i try to plan a surprise visit which ended with me alone on the PATH train late at night, crying. i recently stumbled across his box - the one that had little things that reminded me of all the things we did together, pictures, a shirt he left at my house, his army dogtag, and worst of all, the letters he wrote to me. my heart sank while reading them. when i first read these more than a year ago, i thought they were the most sincere words that could be put on paper... i miss you so much, babe... i can't wait to get home to see you... coldstone, kidstreet, new york, everything, i want to do it all over again... remember to be careful with other guys out there, they only care about themselves... if i could come and cuddle with you right now, i'd fall asleep in your arms so fast... if you didn't like lehigh, you should transfer to rutgers... i feel like this could be the start of something new... you are my rock and my inspiration... you keep me anchored so that i can keep striving for my goals... i'll come and see you asap... you really helped me make it through the summer... i love you so much, sweetie. all those promises down the drain before the semester even ended. we were in a pre-relationship for about 6 months, during which i let my guard down and started to give my all. i shouldn't have expected him to do the same. so wrong of me to think he'd come around eventually. but he never did, and now he's engaged. in hindsight, i think i was settling. shit, i KNOW i was settling. people wonder how i'm not in a relationship right now, but i'm simply just taking my time. i know my worth, and i refuse to settle ever again.
other than that, the rest of 2008 was pretty amazing. trips to nyc, partying, dance classes, roadtripping across florida, chilling in cancun, getting my belly button pierced, trips to the beach, starting a new semester, annnnd basically having the time of my life. my only regrets are losing my cell phone (january) and my digital camera (june). fuck.
i would say that 2009's been good to me thus far, but i've been spending money going out to eat every other day, my dad had to go to the hospital to get his ruptured appendix removed, and my sinus infection came back again. but besides that, i've already had job interviews, spent a lot of time with my hs friends who still mean the world to me, and ohhhmygod i drove around bridgewater. i actually got into my car, drove across bridgewater to pick someone up, went to the mall, picked up my sister from school, and didn't die (although i did stall a few times; first gear and garretson road are not my friends). the next step: driving outside of bridgewater. but that won't happen until i get insurance haha.
i'm never usually good with keeping my resolutions but it's motivating to make them anyway. i only have three, because i'm being honest with myself and i know the extent i'll go to for self-improvement.
going back to school on sunday. i'm gonna do work this semester `=)
whooo, it's 2009. since it's a new year, it seems appropriate to reflect on the old one. i've grown so much, learned a lot, and i feel so much wiser now. i started off the new year (2008) with my heart absolutely shattered. i thought i was in love and realized around that time that it only worked one way. i didn't know that i was still part of "the game" that should have ended the first time he said "i love you." so foolish of me, because i knew that there was someone else. i justified it because for a while i had someone else on the side that he knew about too. we grew apart when school started and then when his grandfather passed away, we were getting closer again, and he became the only guy that was worth my time. or so i thought. one night i try to plan a surprise visit which ended with me alone on the PATH train late at night, crying. i recently stumbled across his box - the one that had little things that reminded me of all the things we did together, pictures, a shirt he left at my house, his army dogtag, and worst of all, the letters he wrote to me. my heart sank while reading them. when i first read these more than a year ago, i thought they were the most sincere words that could be put on paper... i miss you so much, babe... i can't wait to get home to see you... coldstone, kidstreet, new york, everything, i want to do it all over again... remember to be careful with other guys out there, they only care about themselves... if i could come and cuddle with you right now, i'd fall asleep in your arms so fast... if you didn't like lehigh, you should transfer to rutgers... i feel like this could be the start of something new... you are my rock and my inspiration... you keep me anchored so that i can keep striving for my goals... i'll come and see you asap... you really helped me make it through the summer... i love you so much, sweetie. all those promises down the drain before the semester even ended. we were in a pre-relationship for about 6 months, during which i let my guard down and started to give my all. i shouldn't have expected him to do the same. so wrong of me to think he'd come around eventually. but he never did, and now he's engaged. in hindsight, i think i was settling. shit, i KNOW i was settling. people wonder how i'm not in a relationship right now, but i'm simply just taking my time. i know my worth, and i refuse to settle ever again.
other than that, the rest of 2008 was pretty amazing. trips to nyc, partying, dance classes, roadtripping across florida, chilling in cancun, getting my belly button pierced, trips to the beach, starting a new semester, annnnd basically having the time of my life. my only regrets are losing my cell phone (january) and my digital camera (june). fuck.
i would say that 2009's been good to me thus far, but i've been spending money going out to eat every other day, my dad had to go to the hospital to get his ruptured appendix removed, and my sinus infection came back again. but besides that, i've already had job interviews, spent a lot of time with my hs friends who still mean the world to me, and ohhhmygod i drove around bridgewater. i actually got into my car, drove across bridgewater to pick someone up, went to the mall, picked up my sister from school, and didn't die (although i did stall a few times; first gear and garretson road are not my friends). the next step: driving outside of bridgewater. but that won't happen until i get insurance haha.
i'm never usually good with keeping my resolutions but it's motivating to make them anyway. i only have three, because i'm being honest with myself and i know the extent i'll go to for self-improvement.
- do not settle.
- get good grades.
- either start playing the viola again or learn how to play the guitar
going back to school on sunday. i'm gonna do work this semester `=)
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